News Hit

Warning: This article features graphic images which may disturb young children and people with a fragile constitution. If the sight of insides spilling out of gaping wounds does not distress you, please read on.
As the sun rose upon our kingdom - with all the joyful brightness of an egg yolk against a light, egg white sky - the nation awoke to the initial reports of a tragedy; the death of the eccentric and enigmatic Prince Humpty Dumpty.

Eyewitness accounts from all the King’s horses and all the King’s men present at the scene indicate that Dumpty toppled to his doom. His remains were found at the base of a 50-foot wall on the outskirts of the kingdom.

“Those last few weeks Humpty was just a shell of his former self”
Lumpty Dumpty, haunted by the weeks before his brother Humpty’s downfall.
Dumpty was reported dead at 5:30 this morning. His mistress alerted the cavalry to his disappearance four hours earlier, when he failed to join her in bed.
“We did all we could,” said an emotional Sir Justin Thyme. “It’s tragic, just tragic. There was nothing we could do. We just didn’t get there in time.”

Attempts at the scene of the accident to revive the addled Dumpty and reassemble his scrambled remains failed.

Dumpty’s death follows weeks of concern for his mental health. Brother Lumpty Dumpty remembers Humpty as a good egg, someone who had always been able to turn a frown sunny-side up.
Until recently, that is.
“It’s been like walking on eggshells with him, lately,” he said.
“He looked like he was about to crack. One day he even told me he felt like he was being poached. He never said why.

“My brother always liked to live life on the edge, but this is just too much.”
Psychiatrist Menta-Lee Healthy refused to comment on the downfall of Dumpty.
A Coroner’s Inquest into Dumpty’s demise is expected to begin immediately.
If you are feeling depressed or contemplating suicide you can seek help. Contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636 and www.beyondblue.org.au